Fall 2013

I don’t even know when I blogged last- sure I could go look, but whatever. 

I’ve officially reached the approximate halfway/one third completed mark of my novel (depending on how long it ends up being, I have no idea at this point), and I am just so proud of myself, raise the roof. I started about a million books before, and this is by far the longest I’ve ever stuck with one, the most work I have ever put in, EVER. So. Proud. Bragging. Do not care. 

In other news, work is the same, blahblahblah- Taylor went to college, so I officially have one friend in town (the boy friend) annnnnnnd yeah, so that definitely makes it easier to focus on writing. Also stopped going to the gym, which allows for more writing time. I do need to go back though, or at least get some more physical activity in. I miss some heavy lifting. 

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It’s been a while

I don’t even want to check and see when I last blogged, so I won’t. Life has been boring- nothing changes. I work, workout, watch tv, see friends, sleep. I want more out of life, but I have no idea what I want. I have vague notions of satisfaction, but nothing concrete. I want to get lost in the world.

Passion

Lately I’ve felt passionless. Last year/quarter I was so much more motivated and excited about work and my career, but recently I just can’t 100% connect. I think it’s just because we are a little project-slow right now, but part of me worries that maybe it’s not. I feel like I’m just not shining like I have before, I’m not doing enough, not as impressive; and yet I can’t think of what else I should do. It’s like running in circles, only the circles morph into these amoebas without warning.

All I want to do is sleep, work out, cook, and write. I don’t know if that’s normal, if it’s because I’m so young (immature) or have I somehow gotten lazier?

Alex’s personal training job has been improving- more clients, more money, more excitement. He even wants to go back to school this fall for kinesiology. I am so proud of him. His eventual plan is to go out of state (at this point he is thinking VA) and the thought of it used to terrify me, but more and more I find myself wishing for it, for this new adventure. Maybe I’m just bored.

Feeling thorny?

It was one heck of a weekend, and mostly wonderful.

Friday night Alex and I made steak for dinner and I stayed the night with him. I can’t even begin to explain the satisfaction of physical comfort. Plus that heated blanket is off the chain. But more than going to bed with him is waking up with him. It kills me that the only thing between us and finally getting married is money. It’s so insignificant and yet it controls so much. This world is backwards. (TANGENT RANT: We’ve been together for SEVEN YEARS, when is there going to be enough money? He refuses to propose without a ring, and I’m all, “Roll up some aluminum foil and call it a day, just marry me.” IDevenK how many times I have proposed, hahaha.)

Saturday my family and I went out to dinner. It was a considerable group- Alex and I, my mom and dad, my Grandpa and Grandma, my uncle and his wife from out of town, and my aunt and her boy friend. It was mostly a great night; the food was amazing. I had lamb, like rack of lamb, and oh my Lord, nothing could beat that, especially with the red wine. The only awkward thing is that I think our waitress was new and when she was standing right behind my aunt’s boy friend, he blurted out, “I’ve had better service at the casino.” Seriously? Service has to be so bad for me to complain, and she didn’t even do anything. His Bloody Mary didn’t have olives, which I am 90% sure she isn’t the bartender, so damn. Calm down.

It got even more interesting back at Grandpa’s house. When you mix family and wine, you get arguments over anything- including squash, spaghetti, and Japanese people. Nuff said.

Taylor stayed the night Saturday, and Sunday was awesome because we woke up early, picked up Alex, and drove out to Sophia’s for breakfast- amazing. I had bacon and eggs and potatoes, whatever, but I also had A BELGIAN WAFFLE. I swear, NO ONE makes waffles around here, and I love waffles- probably too much. But Alex and Taylor got fruit topping and whipped cream on their waffles (strawberries and peaches- ick!). Call me crazy, but there’s something pure about just maple syrup. After that, we came home and took naps (aka Alex and Taylor slept for two hours while I watched Buffy) and then we went to the gym. I did some leg curls and fucked up my knees or tendons or something, but I also dead lifted 140 lbs with wonderful form, so that was good. But Alex tried to teach us sumo dead lifts, and let me tell you, SCREW THAT.

A surprise was that my uncle’s son and girl friend were at my Grandpa’s later that day so I got to see him/”officially” meet her (and that story makes me sound like a creeper, so nvm). This is a big deal because I don’t think we’ve had any interaction for 10 years (family dramas, save it fo’ yo mamas) and it was surprisingly not awkward and really enjoyable. I kind of hope we see him more, even when his dad isn’t here. But who knows. I get my hopes up for too much these days.

THEN we all decided to go on a tractor ride for old-time’s sake (my Grandpa has 40 acres of pine trees and trails). Super fun until you get whipped in the face/ear/neck by a thorn branch. Luckily everyone is pretty sure it won’t scar and I got some prime Alex-cuddles, more Buffy, and Reese’s Pieces out of it, so call it a backwards win.

And that brings us to today, MONDAY, the day I had my annual/quarterly review at work. I always get nervous about shit like this, but it actually went really, really well. Obv. there was some constructive criticism, but mostly an enjoyable experience. He had us answer and email him some questions in preparation before hand, might post those later.

Annnnd that’s my weekend/beginning of the week. More exciting than the usual, so I thought I would share.

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Sideways waffle madness.

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Definitely felt it sink in and tear out.

Post-meeting lunch musings

It’s 12:09 and I’m sitting here eating my second round of leftover home fries for lunch, thinking about my job. Yesterday I went into my boss’s office for what I thought would be a 20 minute catch up, but turned into a 2 hour talk session with me and another employee. I was actually surprised, it didn’t feel like two hours and it was interesting but HOLY JESUS 2 HOURS.

But we talked about a lot, mostly this coming quarter and money things (which I really don’t like too talk about because a) numbers b) depressing c) stressful). Part of what I said after we finished the meeting was that I felt discouraged, and it kind of weirded me out because I don’t think boss-man understood why I feel this way (granted, I couldn’t really explain it either) and then employee #2 felt the exact opposite way. So I guess now I’m not sure if how I feel makes sense at all (doubly-so since again, I can’t really explain it).

It’s strange because I email people all day, every day and I honestly feel it is a fairly ineffective way of communicating to get the job done. But at times like these, I wish I could pause and spell my thoughts out on paper. Hypocritical/immature? Not sure.